I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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