if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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