You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
