you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
