no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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