me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
