yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
