dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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