i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
