So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
