I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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