I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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