Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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