remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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