its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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