Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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