the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
