You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My vagina is officially offended.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How naked do you want me to be?
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