It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Vodka?
Forever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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