i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
