based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
