Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
