my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
