yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
