I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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