I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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