my phone needs a breathalizer
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
