i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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