Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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