nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize