Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
