i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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