dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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