Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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