I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
