he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
