By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
