i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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