She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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