I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
