i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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