I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
