Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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