didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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