I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
