the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
