Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
