On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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