I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
