this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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