No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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