Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
