Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
