Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
