Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
