just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
