i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
