So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
