u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
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He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day