I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie