My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.